How to increase self-esteem for a man: we all come from childhood
Table of contents
- The influence of the family on the formation of the self-esteem of the future man
- How can parents spoil their self-esteem indirectly?
- We measure desires and opportunities for a happy life
- Methods to combat low self-esteem
- "Yes" to sports, "no" to idleness
To know how to increase the self-esteem of a person, you need to find out, in connection with which, it has turned out to be lowered.Psychologists reasonably assert that we are all from the childhood, since the basic self-assessment is being formed mainly in the age of up to 3 years and this involves first of all parents, and only then close people, society. Therefore, for example, in the Tibetan traditions of upbringing, it is customary to treat children up to 5 years as "to the king nor In any case, do not beat him, even strictly forbid anything, only to distract (so as not to interfere with knowledge of the world).
The influence of the family on the formation of the self-esteem of the future man
In the case of discovering some tricks, it's only worth explaining, making frightened exclamations and making a serious face. Then the boy, at the destruction of something, learns to perceive the breakdown as something bad (children are very sensitive to the emotions of adults). If the child was beaten in early childhood, then submission to the one who is stronger, what can it's healthy in adulthood to undermine a man's self-esteem after a clash with some aggressive fighter. In any stressful situation, representatives of the stronger sex are recommended to include the action. That is, in the presence of disturbing factors, you need to disconnect from them for a while in your thoughts and preferably deep breathe at a slow pace. This significantly reduces the burden on the nervous system.
Self-esteem also depends on what kind of relationship there was between a man and a woman in the original family, that is, between the pope and the mother of the potential patient. If the family represented a stable full structure, then the child is given a higher level of success, because at In this case, he early learns the general principles of interaction, learns to distinguish and qualify his actions as good or the bad ones. Undervaluedness arises in those cells of society where the child from the cradle did not have a favorable attitude.Increase self-esteem will, most likely, also for those men who felt a disdainful attitude, lack of control by their parents. This is due to the fact that they do not form internal self-control, there is a high level of anxiety, tk. guys can not always predict the reactions of their relatives to their actions. Social behavior in this case becomes inconsistent, which gives the basis for poor self-esteem. A boy, from whom his parents did not require anything, has a bad idea about his own internal state, poorly distinguishes desired and actual, can not always resist external forces. In addition, a child who often faced a situation when he was sent somewhere, so that he did not just stick, gets the feeling that they do not want to take care of him, he is not needed by anyone.
How can parents spoil their self-esteem indirectly?
Equally important is the "echo assessment" received from the parents.
The boy can accept the father's point of view that he is weak, stupid, sick, which gives a very high traumatic effect on the child's fragile psyche. This prevents proper formation of one's own perception, because there is a linear impact from the parent to the child, and his own personal assessment is suppressed.As the child grows, self-esteem changes under the influence of a particular situation. That is, the relationship to the boy from a wider range of people comes into force. They are teachers, peers, acquaintances. In this case, your own assessment can be affected by academic performance, the social status of the family, etc. It is believed that in the higher layers of society, sons enjoy greater attention to themselves from the fathers than in working families. They are more inclined to accept themselves as they are, on the positive side, than the poorer young people. It must also be taken into account that any failure is included by the person in his past self-esteem. If it is developed well from childhood, the problems are experienced more easily than with lowered self-esteem. In addition, we need to pay attention to the factor of the physical "image which implies the rejection of the society of children with any shortcomings in appearance. Such boys (more often girls) become outcasts, who, in addition to unpleasant appearance, are often credited with negative intellectual and spiritual qualities, which to a certain extent simply kills them morally, and then physically, through emerging disease.
We measure desires and opportunities for a happy life
A guy who wants to understand his life situation, perhaps, should pay attention to the self-assessment formula for James. It determines the level of self-esteem as the division of the level of achievements into the level of claims. If a person wants a lot and achieved a lot, then he develops a harmonious self-esteem. And if he wants a lot and does nothing at the same time, then one must pursue his wishes more actively. The inability to compare these categories comes, as was said above, from childhood. Therefore, to raise self-esteem in adulthood is impossible without a thorough study of traumatic situations in childhood.Techniques related to how to increase self-esteem primarily remind men that, despite any shortcomings, they are unique and such as they are, in the world no longer exists. A representative of the stronger sex can be fat or poor, thin or rich, but in any case he should treat himself with sympathy, which gives a good basis for the love of others. It is necessary to expel from their memory negative attitudes of parents, failures of the past, tk. this time still does not return, so there is nothing to worry about. Men's confidence can significantly strengthen if a young man learns to accept a positive evaluation from others without embarrassment and with gratitude in return. This enhances communication opportunities with the environment. In addition, it costs:
- Learn to keep a list of your victories.
- Do not compare yourself with others (because you are not them).
- Do not seek to "outdo" someone. Modern consumer society imposes certain standards of success, which is not necessary to observe, if it leads to mental discomfort. It is impossible to surpass all people.
- Search in each event for the positive side. As D. said Carnegie - make a lemon from a lemonade.
Methods to combat low self-esteem
In order for your desires to result in some achievements, you need to act decisively, plan your time, not be afraid of mistakes, have spare plans to avoid possible failures. Large tasks need to be divided into smaller ones, moving towards the goal gradually, which gives the man a sense of control over the situation, superiority over complex events, a feeling that he can do everything. Psychologists do not recommend attaching their own assessment to their actions, because you can do something for which you will be ashamed, but this will not reduce the set of available positive qualities. Harsh to the sight of the peasants are in fact much more vulnerable than the fair sex. However, it is the beloved women who can help with the loss of faith in themselves, which gives consequences in the form of alcoholism, aggression, and diseases. Here, a man needs to understand how much his life companion can be an emotional support in difficult life situations, can she properly assess it. This requires good mutual understanding. Increased self-esteem will be facilitated by the lack of comparison with his father, the exclusion of competition between "fathers and children" or family members (brothers, sisters). In your own environment you need to become a good spouse, partner, father, which is achieved through the expression of support and empathy. In this case, people surrounding the man will trust him, which will increase his own self-esteem.
"Yes" to sports, "no" to idleness
People with high self-esteem, as a rule, are beautiful externally. Therefore, one can not become an ideal, but one should strive for it. In this case, a healthy way of life, intensive sports, a high-quality clothing matched to the figure will come to the forefront. May help trifles in the form of expensive accessories, good perfume. Always in fashion and popular with women is a high level of intelligence, a sense of humor, kindness. Interest attracts and is versed in a certain area of the man. Therefore, one should avoid idleness, because a man lack of activity and confidence in him, as a person, are very closely connected.You need to be able to occupy yourself in new spheres, establish meaningful goals, work, because no work is wasted, and the experience gained can always be useful in the future.Statistics show that representatives of the stronger sex who lost their jobs often lose with her not only income, but also self-esteem, and peace of mind. And this often leads to bad habits and diseases.